Ptsd

You never know how an event affected you until you’re reminded of it. In my case, the events I relive aren’t traumatic per say, they just deeply affected me. When I’m in an episode, i physically see the events happening and feel the way I felt back then. After my episodes I feel exhausted, my body hurts, and I quite honestly feel high. I never had a history of mental health issues until my mother almost died. I’ve learned that with ptsd you just have to let it run its course. Only time will heal those wounds and you can try to avoid situations all you want but at the end of the day, those flashbacks will happen. There’s no escaping it.

Material Girl

Growing up I was always surrounded by STUFF: books, clothes, toys, you name it. My toy of choice was a stuffed animal. Any guessers as to how many I have? Over 300. I was OBSESSED. My grandma is a hoarder so I always thought it was normal to have a lot of things. My dad was either buying drugs or hot wheels that he’d later sell FOR drugs. I rarely had friends over at my house because of my dad being a clinical psychopath but when I did go over to another friends’ house I noticed that their house was different than mine. A lot of my friends were taught to be self- sufficient. They knew how to do laundry and fold it, cook a meal, vacuum, etc. Everything was always done for me. My grandma would do my laundry, my mom would pick up after me and my dad would do the cleaning because that was his business. The only time I’d do the dishes was when I was with my grandparents and that was a few times a year. I will never forget when I was in middle school and we had a cooking class and no one would let me do anything because I didn’t know how. They wouldn’t even let me do the dishes because I didn’t know the difference between detergent and sanitizer. No wonder I was called a spoiled brat. I’m now 23 years old and I’m realizing that I need to make a lifestyle change. I have way too much STUFF and truly believe that I could get by with being a minimalist. That word honestly scares me. I have ZERO attachment to any of my stuff but I grew up with having a mess around me. I’m very attached to the mess and it’s toxic. When I see my house clutter free, it almost makes me feel lonely, if that makes sense. When I see the clutter around me, it feels like a home that is lived in. It’s comfortable to me. Right now there's laundry in the dryer, dirty dishes in the sink and the dishwasher, boxes of stuff everywhere, must in the basement, and trash overflowing. I'm to the point where I want to throw everything out and start over. 

*Disclaimer: I’m not a hoarder, there are no animals in the house and it's not inhabitable.

Empath

From a very young age I was a great judge of character. I knew right away if someone was genuine or not. People are naturally drawn to me whether it's family members, friends or even strangers. They always want to tell me their life story. It doesn't bother me though, I'm drawn to them too. That can be a good thing and a bad thing. Good thing is I develop relationships with people. The bad thing is, that I try to fix their problems and get too involved. I was always told that I'm too caring, too nice, and that I'm a cry baby. I discovered what it means to be an empath and it all fit.

"Empaths are highly sensitive, finely tuned instruments when it comes to emotions. They feel everything, sometimes to an extreme, and are less apt to intellectualize feelings. Intuition is the filter through which they experience the world. Empaths are naturally giving, spiritually attuned, and good listeners. If you want heart, empaths have got it. Through thick and thin, they’re there for you, world-class nurturers." - Dr. Judith Orloff (I'll leave a link to the article down below)

It's also been said that empaths have a paranormal connection. I've only ever experience anything paranormal with family members who have crossed over. My first experience was with my great-grandmother. I was on vacation with my family after she had passed and I saw a woman that looked EXACTLY like her. She was even wearing the same outfit we had buried her in. When I waved to her she smiled and then disappeared. The next day there was a hurricane. In the hotel there was a HUGE glass window that blew out and ALL THE GLASS congregated underneath the same chair my alleged great-grandmother sat in. Her husband passed a few days later.

My grandfather always loved to feed squirrels on his porch and since he had passed, I've had weird experiences with squirrels.While I was on vacation,a squirrel followed me from the pool, to the parking lot and wouldn't leave me alone. Now at home, whenever I walk outside, there's a squirrel just waiting for me. It's weird how our loved ones never really leave us.

As an empath, I have so many quirks about me that I've found that no one else has. I have a very vivid memory that I'm able to remember circumstances behind every picture I've ever taken. I can also remember little experiences like when my first time on a roller coaster, jumping on a trampoline when I was younger, learning how to roller skate and ride a bike, etc. I can look someone in their eyes and instantly know how their day was and how they're feeling.

I'm a very unique person and I plan on sharing my experiences and thoughts with the world through this blog. 

Undiagnosed

First I have motivation to blog and then I don’t. First I only get 12 hours of sleep a week, next thing I know, I’m sleeping 12 hours a day. When I get into heated arguments, I tend to black out and not remember anything about it. I usually have a fantastic memory but there are some days I can’t remember much. I was diagnosed with add when I was about 8 years old. I was never stressed about anything until I became an adult. I mean I freak out over every little thing and raise my voice. I feel like I can control it because I’m stronger than whatever this is. It’s all mental.

My Chronic Illness

My Chronic Illness

By: Joya Wright

It was April 21st 2016 that I went to the ER for chest pains. All the tests came back normal. The doctors gave me an anti-inflammatory because they thought that the pleurae in my lungs were inflamed from my bronchitis. They could have been right but I instantly threw up. I had acid reflux throughout the year and then december of that year I had a normal cold. I didn't think anything of it until my left knee started to swell up. I went back to the doctor and he ran tests for rheumatoid arthrits, lupus, lyme disease, etc. Everything was fine except for my knee constantly swelling. It never went away. February 2017 is when things started to really act up. My knee started to hurt and send shooting pains up my leg, to my thigh, my back, my neck, and then down my arm, to my fingers. Everything was stiff and I couldn't move. I went to a new doctor and he said that nothing was wrong and that he wanted me to see a psychiatrist. I'm just depressed. So he put me on wellbutrin SR and that gave me panic attacks. It made the pain even worse. So then I get my rheumatoid factor checked AGAIN and to no surprise everything was fine. I asked him about fibromyalgia. He said "I tested you for that and you don't have it" May12 2017 I go see a rheumatologist who without a doubt said I have fibromyalgia and that she can't do anything for me. So she sent me on my way. I went to a new doctor (surprise surprise) and he told me to go to a massage therapist. ok great! So I went and I never felt so much pain in my life!!!! She did a lovely trigger point swedish massage that made my ENTIRE LEFT SIDE NUMB!!!! I couldn't feel anything. Fast forward to this year. I went to the ER for my pain and you know how they stick an IV port in your hand and it hurts like hell? Yeah I didn't feel it at all. Nothing. No pinch!!!! I could've punched myself in the leg and I wouldn't even feel it. Fibromyalgia can leave me feeling either numb or in a lot of pain. Sometimes I HAVE to wear layers upon layers of clothing so that my skin doesn't crawl. Other times when I'm wearing clothes, my skin feels like it's on fire.... like I'm burning from the inside out.

Everyday I go through this. I know there are people with much serious illnesses but I'm just here to tell MY STORY. 

   

Safe Place

Safe Place

By: Joya Wright

  

Growing up I never had a safe place. I had an abusive father, I was bullied at school and during after school activities Blogging will be my safe place because I can tell my story, say things that I want to say such as; my personal experiences with anxiety, depression, PTSD, chronic pain, bullying, relationships, politics, society etc. If you don’t agree with what I have to say, there’s an X at the top right hand corner of your screen in which you can click and not read anymore. Definitely let me know in the comments what you want me to talk about. Until then I advise you to sit back, relax, and enjoy what goes on in the mind of Joya Frances Wright.